Some people believe that Valentine's Day was strategically manufactured by the corporations to promote consumerism during the annual economic slump. Some people say that this celebration was contrived to feed a love-struck generation of hopeless romantics and shamelessly indulge their materialistic needs.

Well if the proof ever was in the pudding then this gooey serving of clichéd cinema might just have let the cat out of the bag and sealed the deal with a kiss. Valentine's Day is what Love Actually would be like if it were financed by Goldman Sachs.

On the other hand, some other people say, "Oh my god! That cute boy from Twilight and that girl that sings but can't act are both called Taylor".

If you are the latter then Garry Marshall's Valentine's Day is for you. It's like an animated gossip mag for teenage girls. Nobody will go into this screening and leave surprised and I myself have seen more believable spoofs.

Featuring a bouquet of Hollywood heartthrobs (The Hangover's Bradley Cooper, Grey's Anatomy's Eric Dane) and selection tray of tasty rom-com actresses (Juno's Jennifer Garner, Fantastic Four's Jessica Alba), this movie has more stars and emptiness than outer space.

Cupid himself would feel an ache in his sweet tooth and a not even a twitch from his sugar-coated pacemaker. If I were him I'd probably consider using that bow to put an arrow through Ashton Kutcher's head. 

The plot is made up half-a-dozen or so bite-size tales of triumphant and/or tragic relationships that blossom and/or wilt over the course of the day on February 14th. Each sub-story overlaps with the next and weaves a tacky and confusing overall picture of love and people.

At least the film's quick pace, interchanging cast and emotional inconstancy is in tune with the real world and actual modern-day relationships although my inclination is that this was not the intention of screenplay writer, Katherine Fugate.

You've probably already been swindled out of your hard-earned money buying heart-shaped chocolates and conveniently seasonal flowers so why not drop a couple of extra bucks and keep yourself distracted for a couple of hours from what is essentially just another day.

However, if you're single and/or cynical then bring a paper bag because you're going to hurl.