Come March 8, the world celebrates its 101st International Women's Day. Here at Malaysian Today, we make a point to mark this memorable day each year; and this year, we're going to hail the fairer sex with a list of things women no longer need men for - we're going to give boys a lesson in Woman: 101.

Women: We're nurturers, mothers, providers. We've burned our bras, we've fought for our right to vote, and we've broken some glass ceilings, though we still work to break them all. We've even fought to be allowed to wear pants!

There are many things women have done well (or better) for the last century - just take a look at the statistics. Women make up over one-third of the civil service force. There are more women in universities than men. Our brains are scientifically proven to learn faster, work better and we even beat men at talking!

So sit up people, and pay attention. Here is a list on the things we don't need men for! Warning: May contain funny, irreverent, tongue-in-cheek, generalised assumptions of the male gender in the spirit of good fun and in the spirit of appreciation of the fairer sex.

 

#1: Farting in public and laughing about it

Look boys, we know it's your body's natural release mechanism, but please do not let one off, sniff around and then laugh!

"Like, yeah we need to know you let one off! Only guys can laugh about farts!" Victoria Lee, 23.

 

#2: Changing tyres

Yeap, tough luck guys. Technology made it easy for women to do stuff like that too. We know what is what in that kit too. So there.

"We used to need them to do it, now we don't! We can handle the nuts too, ahem." - Paula Wong, 22.

 

#3: Leading the Way

It's fine, guys, don't ask for directions. We are sure you would figure it out eventually. Meanwhile, we'll just fire up our snazzy GPS, follow the fool-proof instructions (in a female voice too, ironically) and see you there.

 

#4: Carrying that load

Are women weaker than men when it comes to lifting heavy things, or are they socially encouraged to believe so? Suck it up, girls, and carry your own textbooks and laptops. The next time a guy offers to help, appreciate the gesture, but accept only if you really need it, and not because you are "the weaker sex".

"What weaker sex?  My mum was carrying buckets and buckets of water from the ground floor to the fourth floor during the big KL water rationing a decade ago." - Cindy Lim, 24.

 

#5: Letting us win

Guys, don't go "Fine, whatever you say" just because you are arguing with a girl. Contrary to popular opinion, we are not always right, and we are able to carry a debate without bursting into tears. If you are surrounded by girls who think and act otherwise, perhaps it is time to get out more.

 

#6: Making us laugh

There was a time when men can recycle the most overused punch lines and still generate polite, demure giggles and some batting lashes. Then females went to discover gender equality. Now, everybody can crack jokes (and lameness affects both sexes). The best part is - nobody has to laugh.

 

#7: Making us feel good about ourselves

We no longer need men to tell us we look great, because here's a little secret: Women dress up for other women, not for men! We do that because we know that if we wear the right shade of lipstick, another gal-pal would notice it and compliment us for it. If our shoes are to-die-for, our girlfriends would gush over them at once. Boys? Meh, they can't even tell the difference between pink and coral.

 

#8: Dancing the night away

Girls just wanna have fun, and what can be more fun than a girl's night out?

"You don't always need guys when clubbing! Unless, of course, there is a group discount rate and the only one left to make up your numbers is a guy." - Denise Choong, 21

 

#9: Lecturing us on how to drive

True, some female drivers are slower and more nervous. But the last we checked, a lot of men drive like maniacs themselves. Just because you can cut a corner quicker doesn't mean you are cutting it right, honey.

"From accident statistics it is found that men in the age group of 21-40 are considered to be prone to accidents." - Study on "Safety on Expressways" by Malaysian Highway Authority (MHA) and PLUS Expressways Berhad (PEB).

 

#10: Maintaining the car

There are those who wait for their daddies to pump in the petrol, but there are also those who drive straight to the mechanic to check on a noisy engine. Girls, be in charge of your ride. Maintain it with pride.

"It doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl. Every driver should be responsible for his or her own vehicle, and take good care of it." - Kristen Koo, 23.

 

#11: Cooking

Yeah, so the greatest chefs are men. Yeah, and so the sight of your man in the kitchen is sexy. But never forget that we know how much that kilo of carrots cost, we know where to buy the freshest of them, and most of all, we know where it is inside the fridge. Men will never survive the fridge-search.

 

#12: Shopping

Men and shopping go together like celery with everything: It is a recipe for disaster. This is the domain in which females reign supreme, and men need not apply. Besides, we are already adept at carrying those bags - all it takes is ten sit-ups every morning.

 

#13: Remarks on Our Looks

Listen up: Grading us on a scale of 1 to 10 is not cool. Take a gander at getting a mirror on your own looks first before telling us we are 3 out of 10. We don't take these grades as a compliment because it makes us feel like a piece of meat.

"Worst thing for a guy to do is make remarks on our bodies. What gives them the right to tell us we're attractive or not?" - Kristin K, 21.

 

#14: Take Charge

It used to be that men were deemed rulers and leaders, and women would stay in the background to wear the corsets and look good for their man. No longer!

Hillary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, Aung San Suu-Kyi, Condoleezza Rice and Benazir Bhutto. These women sound familiar? That's because they, among many others, have given the men a good run for their money in the top spots.

The challenge is to practice politics as the art of making what appears to be impossible, possible - Hillary Clinton.

 

#15: Protection

Fancy us fainting in a man's arms at the first sign of danger? Not a chance. These days, women are taking charge of their own safety. Crime, afterall, is not gender bias, and there are policewomen who have made it their duty to protect the citizens as well as any man. After all, DCP Datuk Robiah Abdul Ghani created history in the Malaysian Police force after being appointed as the Chief Police Officer (CPO) for the Pahang state, making it the first woman in the country to hold the portfolio.

 

#16: Provider

In this economic crisis, statistics have shown in the States that more men lost their jobs than women: Women, who generally dominated the more stable industries like healthcare and education, kept their jobs in times of trouble, while the men were laid off. An article in the New York Times predicted that for the first time in US history, women seemed poised to surpass men on the payroll.

And locally, we see women dominating the higher, managerial positions in the civil service at 53 per cent to the men at 47 per cent. While some parties have insisted this is bad for the country, it remains that women are getting better jobs and education than ever before.

 

#17: To Take Us Down

Regardless of how many glass ceilings women have already broken, there is always more to bust open. We don't need men to take us down at every step of the way: We certainly don't need the look-downs and the discouragement. So keep the 'shouldn't you be in the kitchen?' remarks to yourself and get with it - women are equally as effective in the corporate structure as men.

As females, there will always be those who think we earn too much, aim too high, get married too late, wear too little, assert our opinions too often - just because of our gender. The common argument is that women should not be too successful or too forward, because that scares off guys.

And no, we do not need crude iPad jokes - though it may be nice if YOU took up a book once in a while, Mister.

 "We don't need men to be intimidated by us taking charge. We need you to instead support us and work together with us." - Roya Astani, 23.

 

#18: To Abuse Us

Even as you read this, one out of six women are being abused by their boyfriends or husbands, and living in fear of the next beating. 3756 cases of domestic violence, 196 cases of child abuse and 3098 cases of rape were reported in 2007, based on the latest statistics by WAO. And with the highly secret nature of these wrongs, it is highly possible that there are so many more cases than what you see reported in the news.

While organisations like the Women's Aid Organisation (WAO) work hard to fight this shocking statistic, there is still a much-needed concerted effort among both women and men to put an end to abuse and gender-based violence.

 

#19: Objectify Us

We cannot say this enough: We are not pieces of meat. If you want to promote cars, then promote the car and not the hot, sexy, gorgeous female driver. If you feel the need to sell products, do it without objectifying the female body. Banish the stereotypes in advertisements and take the 'ick-factor' out of those sexist ads, thank you very much.

 

#20: Pick up the Tab

Do it because you want to give us a treat - don't pay for the tab because you think it is your 'man-duty'. With women earning almost 90 per cent of what men earn, we can well afford it. You can, however, offer to buy the dessert, because we will feel less guilty about it afterwards.

 

So there you have it - but the list never stops here! As women find themselves and their voices in society, they have won milestone after milestone and will continue to do so, no matter what!

And, because no one says it better than Aretha Franklin: R.E.S.P.E.C.T!